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The coldest outdoor temperature ever recorded on earth was 127 below zero in Antarctica on August 24, 1960.
The highest recorded temperature in the US was 134 Fahrenheit in Death Valley, California.
Signing a memorial to Congress for the abolition of slavery was the last public act of Benjamin Franklin.
Like modern day athletes, ancient Roman gladiators did product endorsements. The producers considered including this in the script but discarded the idea as unbelievable.
The nation of Monaco on the French Riviera, is smaller than Central Park in New York. Monaco is 370 acres and Central Park is 840 acres.
It is against the law to remove your shoes if your feet smell bad while you're in a theater in Winnetka, Illinois.
California sea otters spend almost all of their time in the water. Alaska sea otters often sleep, groom, and nurse on land.
Singer Billy Joel once played the piano at the Executive Lounge in Los Angeles under the name of William Martin.
"Money is good for bribing yourself through the inconveniences of life."
--Lillian Ross
"It is now, and in this world, that we must live."
--Andre Gide
"The principle part of faith is patience."
--George MacDonald
Don't put too much stock in anyone's predictions about anything:
"The only thing we know for sure about future developments is that they will develop."
"A hopeful disposition is not the sole qualification to be a prophet."
--Winston Churchill
"You can only predict things after they have happened."
--Eugene Ionesco
The period at the end of this sentence can hold 2,000,000 hydrogen atoms.
The Boeing 777 relies completely on its avionics systems. The triple- redundant flight control system is completely "fly-by-wire." In other words, this airliner has no control cables or hydraulics attached between the control surfaces and the control wheel; when the pilot moves the control wheel, a computer comunicates with another and moves the control surface.
If you traveled the speed of light, it would only take you 0.0000294 seconds to climb Mt. Everest.
Tom Cruise's great great grandfather was Dillon Henry Mapother who came to Louisville in the year 1850 from South East Ireland.
Today’s average household in the USA contains more computer power than existed in the world before 1965.
In Albania nodding the head means "no" and shaking the head means "yes".
In Bavaria, beer is not an alcoholic drink. It is legally defined as a staple food.
The Granny Smith apple originated in 1869 when Maria Ann Smith planted seeds rotting in a gin barrel in New South Wales, Australia.
When asked, the average American woman subtracts 2.3 pounds from her weight.
Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads in Sweden. The conversion to right-hand was done on a weekday at 5pm. All traffic stopped as people switched sides. This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too sleepy to realize *this* was the day of the changeover.
Planet Jupiter spins so fast that there are 2 sunrises and 2 sunsets every 24 hours by earth time.
Every year, Mexico City sinks about 10 inches.
A person who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day inhales a 1/2 cup of tar every year.    
Marie Owen, a patrolman's widow, was the first woman appointed a police officer, in Detroit in 1893.
The Simpson's are from Northern Kentucky!    
The ancient Greeks celebrated Mother's Day in spring, like we do. They used to honor Rhea, "mother of the gods" with honey-cakes and fine drinks and flowers at dawn.
George Bush, trying to copy JFK's statement about reaching the moon by the end of the '60's, said (after he was President) that we should reach Mars by 2010.
The first spacecraft to visit Mars was Mariner 4 in 1965.
John Valentin is the only Major Leaguer in history to record an unassisted triple play, hit for the cycle, and hit 3 home runs in one game.    
When you are eating a piece of fruit, you are eating a swollen ovary! Yes, that's right...fruit comes from a flowering plant which contains an ovary which will become the fruit! Food for thought: When you are drinking coffee you are drinking fruit juice!
Alfred Hitchcock did NOT appear in all of his movies: 'Lifeboat' is the exception.
Women blink almost twice as much as men during the course of a day.
Oswald the Lucky Rabbit didn't become Mickey Mouse. Walt lost Oswald during contract negotiations in New York and created Mickey on the train trip home to Hollywood.
The word vinegar comes from the French 'vin aigre' meaning 'sour wine.'
135 million cars travel the nation's streets, roads, and interstates each day.
Benjamin Franklin invented swim-fins, and created daylight savings time.
Back during the ice age, there were 'mammoth penguins' which stood up to 6' tall.
The Space Shuttle main engine weighs 1/7th as much as a train engine, but delivers as much horsepower as 39 train engines.
Americans eat more than 13.5 billion jelly beans at Easter time.
The U.S. Capitol has 365 steps - one for each day of the year.
The average person will spend approximately 2 weeks of their life kissing.
Did you know that every three seconds a baby is born?
73% of American men buy flowers on Valentine's Day!
In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
According to Information Week (Sept. 6, 1993), the annual productivity loss by US Businesses due to employees playing computer games is an estimated $100 Billion - which works out to 2% of the Gross Domestic Product.
The amount of energy produced by the sun in a 2 week period equals the combined stored energy of all the coal, iron and natural gas reserves known to man.
The worlds shortest river is the 'D' river in Oregon. It's only 120 ft. It connects Devil's lake to the nearby Pacific Ocean.
The IRS would need at least 15 3/4 miles of shelves to store the tax forms they receive each year.
The termites of the world outweigh humans 10:1
The following is contributed by Dainne Ako
1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
8. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver,  or purple.
12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial, on  the  back of the $5 bill.
14. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
16. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
17. There are only four words in the English language which end in  "dous":  tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
18. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de  los  Angeles de Porciuncula"
19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. (important stuff)
20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street, were named after  Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a  Wonderful Life."
25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
31. The microwave was invented, after a researcher walked by a radar   tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed entirely by the  left hand.
The amount of energy produced by the sun in a 2 week period equals the combined stored energy of all the coal, iron and natural gas reserves known to man.
The worlds shortest river is the 'D' river in Oregon. It's only 120 ft. It connects Devil's lake to the nearby Pacific Ocean.
The IRS would need at least 15 3/4 miles of shelves to store the tax forms they receive each year.
The termites of the world outweigh humans 10:1
The ancient Egyptians worshipped cats as Gods. Any cat owner can tell you that cats have never gotten over it!
Who has thrown the most completed passes (in a career) in Super Bowl history? Joe Montana (San Francisco, 83 over 4 games)
Drinking water is about three billion years old.
In Tamarack, Idaho, you can't buy onions after dark without a special permit from the sheriff.
Everyday 0.5 percent of the worlds population visits a McDonalds.
Woodrow Wilson is the only U.S. president to this day to receive an earned Ph.D. His degree was in History from Johns Hopkins University.
America eats at least 18 acres of pizza every year.
By law, in Bourbon, Miss., one small onion must be served with each glass of water in a restaurant.
Every day in the United States, people steal $20,000 from coin-operated machines.
It's agaist the law to sleep under a hairdryer in Florida.
Did you know that every three seconds a baby is born?
The average person will eat 35,000 cookies in their life time.
"That some should be rich shows that others may become rich, and hence is just encouragement to industry and enterprise."
--Abraham Lincoln
"No one can help you in holding a good job except Old Man You."
--Edgar Watson Howe
"If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag."
Don't make the mistake of thinking that there's only one course for a relationship to take:
"The biggest mistake is believing that there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship."
--Deborah Tannen
"We measure success and depth by length of time, but it is possible to have a deep relationship that doesn't always stay the same."
--Barbara Hershey
"Ideally, couples need three lives; one for him, one for her, and one for them together."
Jacqueline Bisset
"According to a new study, men cry on the average of once a month. Gee, I wonder what time of the month that would be..."
    - Jay Leno
"When I was a kid I got no respect. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get."
    - Rodney Dangerfield
"Life can be grim when you pass 80, especially if there's a police car behind you."
    - Sam Ewing
"Wouldn't it be great if we could take all the pollution in the world, pile it up all neat-like, and hide it somewhere? We could call that place, 'New Jersey.'"
    - George MacMillan
The Ring of Fire in the Pacific Ocean holds more than half of the world's volcanoes.
Today’s average household in the USA contains more computer power than existed in the world before 1965.
Coca Cola can be used as a toilet bowl cleaner.
The six most hazardous occupations in America are firefighter, race-car driver, astronaut, football player, police officer, and fisherman.
The top of the Empire State Building was originally intended as a mooring place for dirigibles.
The duration record for a face-slapping contest was set in Kiev, U.S.S.R., in 1931 when a draw was declared between Bezbordny and Goniusch after 30 hours.
Dr. Miles Compound Extract of Tomato, a patent medicine, went on the market in the 1830s - it was ketchup.
One pound of wool can make ten miles of spun yarn.
Illinois Avenue, GO, B&O Railroad, Free Parking and Tennessee Avenue are the five aquares in Monopoly on which you're most likely to land.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.
On the island of Jersey it's against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
Here's one to stump your friends with. What is the one place where the American flag flies 24 hours a day, is never raised or lowered and is never saluted?         Answer: The Moon!
Ogdensburg, New York is the only city in the United States situated on the St. Lawrence River.
The City of New Delhi employs 100 professional cow catchers to control the 40,000 cows that roam the streets! (And you thought potholes were bad!)
In the movie 2001: A Space Odyssy, HAL's birthday is January 12, 1992.
The name, 'HAL,' which was the misbehaving computer's name in '2001: A Space Odyssey,' was purposefully chosen: Each letter is exactly one backward from the letters 'I' 'B' 'M'
All 17 children of Queen Anne died before she did.
Marcel Marceau is the only actor to speak in Mel Brooks' 'Silent Movie'. He says the word, 'No.'
The world's smallest mammal is the bumblebee bat of Thailand, weighing less than a penny.
Lightning is three times hotter than the surface of the sun.
A goldfish's memory only goes back 3 seconds ago.
Hamburgers originated as a chinese appetiser....hamburger inside a doughy wrap and baked.
How many evolutionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Given enough time and random chance events, the lightbulb will screw itself in!
The phrase, if yelled out in a crowded shopping mall that will attract the most people is: "I DROPPED MY DIAMONDS!" (Try it while returning some gifts!)
Roast turkey did not appear consistently on royal Christmas Day menus until 1851 when it replaced roast swan. The medieval dish of Boar's head remained popular with Royals for much longer.
No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.
In the Christmas carol 'Twelve Days of Christmas', the total number of gifts that 'my true love gave to me' is 364.
Alabama was the first state to recognize Christmas as an official holiday. This tradition began in 1836.
Charles dickens initial choice for scrooge's statement 'Bah Humbug' was 'Bah Christmas'.
The Eiffel tower grows six inches every year. In the summer the metal expands to make the tower grow but also in the winter the metal contracts to shrink the tower back down.
During his or her lifetime, the average human will grow 590 miles of hair.
The average person spends 2 years of their lifetime on the telephone.
Walt Disney was affraid of mice.
Albert Einstein used a cheque for $US50,000 as a bookmark and lost it.
Lost time in traffic could cost American businesses up to 100 billion dollars per year.
The Great Pyramid at Giza in Egypt, constructed around 2500 B.C., was the tallest building in the world until the Eiffel Tower was erected in 1889.
Woodrow Wilson's picture is on the $100,000 bill.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!
During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food; that's the weight of about 6 elephants!
More people are killed every year from donkeys than from airplane crashes.
There are more people alive today, than have EVER died!
Elephants are capable of swimming twenty miles a day. They use their trunks as natural snorkles.
Blue whales are not only the largest animals but also the loudest. They have been recorded making noises at 188 decibles.
Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
 Coca-Cola was originally green.
 Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
 Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear & smell better.
 The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
 The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%   -   The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
 The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
 The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
 Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
 That San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National  Monuments.
 111,111,111 X 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.  If the horse has one front leg in  the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural  causes.
 Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th,  John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but  the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
  "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.>
  The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the  South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine  gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded  into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got  "The whole 9 yards."
 Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt. (plop)
   The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law  which stated  that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. (those were the days, eh?!)  :0
   The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
   The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of   diesel that it burns.
   The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day  after the Major League all-stars Game.
   The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the  plague.
Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring  around the rosey"), these sores would smell very badly so common folks would  put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores("a pocket full of posies").  Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("ashes, ashes, we all fall down").
As of 1988, the U.S. census bureau determined that a stunning 13% of the population believe that some portion of the earth's moon is actually comprised of cheese.
In the 1960's and 1970's, scientists conducted experiments on how different forms of music affected plant development. They found that plants exposed to classical music responded most favorably with lush and abundant growth and good root development. Jazz music produced a slight increase in growth.
In 1973, Edward Carswell was the first person to break the 300 MPH land speed barrier in a car aptly named 'The Missile.
The first airline passenger was the Wright brothers' mechanic. Wilbur took him for a 29 second, 2000 foot flight on May 14, 1908
The Bible is the number one shoplifted book in America.
Albert Einstein was dyslexic.
William Howard Taft, a former President who weighed 332 pounds, got stuck in the White House tub the first time he used it. A larger one was purchased and replaced the old one!
An average of 13 boxes of jello are purchased every second in the united states.
It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound.
Every year has at least one Friday the 13th.
Most gemstones contain several elements. The exception? The diamond. It's all carbon.
All U.S. Presidents have worn glasses, some of them just didn't like to be seen with them in public.
Armadillos can be house broken.
Ketchup was once used as a medicine in the United States. In the 1830s it was sold as Dr. Miles's Compound Extract of Tomato.
When glass breaks, the cracks move at speeds of up to 3,000 miles per hour.
Shirley Temple always had 56 curls in her hair.
The record number of people crammed into a 1998 Volkswagen Bug and still able to close all doors is 18. They were college students.
There are about 5,000 different languages spoken on Earth.
Only 1 in 50 people in the U.S. do not watch television.
The youngest Olympian to win a Gold Medal was Marjorie Gestring aged 13 years and 268 days at the 1936 Berlin Games.
The voice for Maggie Simpson's (of the Simpson's cartoon) first words was played by Elizabeth Taylor.
Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as Pres. Bush in 1991.
Turning off your monitor when you are not using the computer saves over 80% of the total power consumed.
The Eiffel tower grows six inches every year. In the summer the metal expands to make the tower grow but also in the winter the metal contracts to shrink the tower back down.
The single most ethnic city in the USA is Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Over 75% of the population is of German origin.
America eats at least 18 acres of pizza every year.
The only diamond mine in North America is in Arkansas.
In 1910, magician Harry Houdini was the first solo pilot to fly a plane in Australia. He taught himself to drive an automobile just so he could drive out to the airfield- and he never drove again.
The blue whale is the largest animal that ever lived, reaching 100 feet in length and weighing 150 tons. The largest dinosaur, Argentinosaurus, was estimated to weigh 110 tons.
The fastest wind speed ever recorded is 318 mph in one of the May 3, 1999 tornadoes to hit Oklahoma.
Minnesota may be known as 'The land of 10,000 lakes' but neighboring Wisconsin has 14,000 lakes and Alaska has over 3,000,000.
The Milky Way is estimated to contain 100,000,000,000 stars.
Every year, about 98% of the atoms in your body are replaced.
The world's oceans contain 328 million cubic miles of sea water.
There are 10 million bricks in the Empire State building.
Titanic was running at 22 knots when she hit the iceberg.
William Howard Taft was the first president to throw out the first baseball in a game.
In 1933, Mickey Mouse, an animated cartoon character, received 800,000 fan letters.
Dunkin' Donuts sells 3,055 donuts every minute.
Casey Casem did the voice for Shaggy on Scooby-Doo.
The Speed of light is 186,282.297miles/sec.
Anheuser-Busch brewery in St. Louis, Missouri is the largest beer producing plant in the nation.
In the 1860's the average salary was less than $10 a week.
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· Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
· Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
· Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
· Why do they call them "apartments" when they're all stuck together?
· Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
· Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
· Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
· If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
· Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
· How do you KNOW it's an ENDLESS LOOP?
· If you keep trying to solve Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
· Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship,
it's called cargo?
· Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
· Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Everyday 0.5 percent of the worlds population visits a McDonalds.
It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to weigh one pound.
The worlds strongest beer is 'Samuel Adams' Triple Bock, which has reached 17% alcohol by volume.
To obtain this level, however, they had to use a champagne yeast.
The elephant can smell water up to 3 miles away.
Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.
The largest pearl in the world was found in the Philippines which is located in Palawan. It is a size of a tennis ball.
A billion seconds is 32 years.
The toothbrush was invented in China in 1498.
In 1931 'The Star Spangled Banner' was adopted as the national anthem, the Empire State Building opened, Wiley Post and Harold Gatty flew around the world, and the Ford Motor Co. produced its 20 millionth auto.
In 1945 Grand Rapids became the first city to add fluoride to its drinking water to prevent cavities in peoples' teeth.
The average person sees more than 20,000 TV commercials in a year.
The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.
Upon completion of the 1938 movie 'Robin Hood' featuring Errol Flynn, the horse that Maid Marion rode was sold to Roy Rogers - who renamed it Trigger.
The wingspan of a Boeing 747 jet is longer than the first Wright Brothers’ flight.
Owls are the only animals that can turn thier heads a full 180 degrees.
The tensility of a spider's web is so strong, the spider would have to be 50,000 times it size to break the web!
The amount of energy produced by the sun in a 2 week period equals the combined stored energy of all the coal, iron and natural gas reserves known to man.
Need to know measurements but don't have a tape measure? All U.S. paper currency is 6 inches long.
The highest hill is in Oklahoma, towering 1,999 feet- the maximium height for a hill.
The first traffic light was installed in England in 1868 in front of the Houses of Parliment.
The only U.S. President born in 'The Land of Lincoln' (Illinois) was Ronald Reagan. He was born in Tampico.
The giraffe has the largest heart of any land animal. It also has the highest blood pressure.
The oldest repair work on the Sphinx was done over 4000 years ago.
Just twenty seconds' worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on the moon.
Montana mountain goats will butt heads so hard their hooves fall off.
The names Donner and Blitzen stand for thunder and lightning, respectively.
Barbie's full name is Babara Millicent Roberts.
Today’s average household in the USA contains more computer power than existed in the world before 1965.
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Lets face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indeces?
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Extracts from a listing of laws in the United States of America, from the June 1996 issue of Spy magazine.

It is illegal to play Dominos on Sunday. It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
In Hartford, it is illegal to educate a dog. It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades. In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h., even when going to a fire. In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross a road. It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.
In Pocatello, "It is prohibited for pedestrians and motorists to display frowns, grimaces, scowls, threatening and glowering looks, gloomy and depressed facial appearances, generally all of which reflect unfavorably upon the city's reputation."
In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera. According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American."
An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses."
In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms. It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license. In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
Women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus. Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard. It's illegal to tease skunks.
In Merryville, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
New Jersey
It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer. In Trenton, it is illegal to throw a bad pickle in the street.
New York
In New York City, "It is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose, at the same time extending and wiggling the fingers of his hand."
In Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive by herself; "a man must walk or run in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists."
In Richmond, it is illegal to flip a coin in any eating establishment to determine who buys a cup of coffee. In Norfolk, a man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman's derriere. There is a state law prohibiting "corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates." In Lebanon, it is illegal to kick your wife out of bed. In Norfolk, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a Civil Service job - for men only - called a corset inspector.)
Seattle residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet.
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One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, one hand cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California; with gun in lap: L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, one hand cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia male.
Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is not wearing a barrel: Las Vegas
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
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10. How do I know anything really exists?
-Kick it *really* hard.
9. What is the essence of being human?
-Not understanding the opposite sex.
8. If a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
-Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.
7. How do I know I'm not just a brain in a vat, hooked up to a computer simulation of life?
-Look in the mirror. If you see a gray, spongy thing in a glass container, you are.
6. Can our minds exist separately from our bodies?
-If they could, we'd just send our minds to class and sleep in every morning.
5. Is there a God?
-A billion Hindus can't be wrong.
4. What is the nature of Knowledge?
-I'm still trying to figure out the nature of *college*.
3. What is the meaning of life?
-All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.
2. Why get a Philosophy degree?
-It's more respectable than a theater degree, but you still get to drink lots of espresso.
1. So, was Kant on drugs or what?
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AUTHOR A writer with connections in the publishing industry.
BOSS A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.
CHILDHOOD The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge.
DENIAL How an optimist keeps from becoming a pessimist.
EXPERIENCE In the working world, something you can't get unless you've already got it, in which case you probablydon't want any more of it.
FITNESS Salvation through perspiration.
MARTIAL ARTS A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of thearms and legs; amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one's opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.
NEIGHBORS The strangers who live next door.
PARASITE A base creature that extracts a living from the lives of others, like a tapeworm or a biographer.
QUAGMIRE Any situation more easily entered into than exited from; e.g., a guerrilla war, a bad marriage or a conversation with an insurance salesman.
VOTING The right of our citizens to do as they please behind a curtain, as long as they do it alone.
X-RAY A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.
Y-CHROMOSOME A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, cleverinventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.
ZOO A pleasant and instructive wildlife park, lately denounced for depriving animals of their right to starve or be eaten alive in their natural habitats.
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You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.
Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.
Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.
Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.
Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.
English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.
Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.
Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.
Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.
Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.
Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.
Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.
Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.
Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.
Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown that jumping out of a plane is NOT harmful to your health.
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1)  Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Long Island driver never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa may be illegal.
2)  Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3)  Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
4)  The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5)  Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
6)  Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7)  Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Long Island look high-tech, and to distract you from seeing the state police radar car parked on the median.
8)  Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
9)  Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
10)  Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire.
11)  Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.
12)  It is assumed that state police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes on your way to work, or the beach.
13)  Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
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* A careful study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
* A perfectionist is one who takes great pains, and gives them to everyone else.
* A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times more memory.
* Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
* Character is like a fence - it cannot be strengthened by whitewash.
* In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
* My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
* The measure of a man's intelligence is inversely proportional to the amount of time he keeps his mouth open.
*When trouble arises and things look bad, there is alwaysone individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Usually, that individual is crazy.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?
Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
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  Andy Rooney says.......
Contributed by:  Dianne WW
Have you ever noticed...
       >that they put advertisements in with your bills now?  Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them.
       >I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels... I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank You."
       >On Fabric Softener:
       >My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
       >On Cripes:
       >My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' Who would that be, Jesus Cripe's? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'?
I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?> > > >        
       On Morning Differences:
       >Men and women are different in the morning. The men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you.
       >And the women are thinking, 'How can he want me the way I look in the morning?'
       >It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
       >On Pregnancy:
       >It's weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They say, 'Oh my God. He's kicking.
       >Do you wanna feel it?' I always feel awkward reaching over there. Come on! It's weird to ask someone to feel your stomach. I don't do that when I have gas. "Oh my God... give me your hand... It won't be long now....
       >On Grandma:
       >My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.'
       >You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests.
       >Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.
       >On Prisons:
       >Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles.
       >I already have bars on the windows.
       >I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.
       >On Award Shows:
       >Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials.
       >The Cleo Awards, a whole show full of commercials.
       >I taped it and then I fast forwarded through the whole thing.
       >On Phone-In-Polls:
       >You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% that say "I don't know."
       >It costs 90 cents to call up and vote...
       >They're voting "I don't know."
       >"Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Into Phone) I DON'T KNOW!"
       >(Hangs up looking proud.) "Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say "I'm not in the mood."
       >On Answering Machine:
       >Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine?
       >"Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day   is 'Share the love.' Beep."
       >"Uh, yeah... this is the VD clinic calling....  Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love."
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1. You will not marry during the term of your contract.  (Those single old teacher were MUCH meaner)
2. You are not to keep company with men. (May get ideas of marriage)
3. You must be home between the hours of 8 p.m. and 6 a.m. unless attending a school function. (This is for all those emergency teacher meetings on how to be meaner)
4. Your dresses must be not be any shorter than two inches above the ankle. (Wait!! We don't want to see your ankles either!)
5. You may not travel beyond the city limits unless you have the permission of the chairman of the (school) board. (Maybe the teachers were all on parole?)
6. You may not ride in a carriage or automobile with any man unless he is your father or brother. (Goes back to the marriage thing)
7. You may not dress in bright colors. (Someone may see you!)
8. You may under no circumstances dye your hair. (We like gray hair on our teachers)
9. You must wear at least two petticoats. (Three if it's the second Friday of the month, and it's a full moon!)
10. You may not loiter downtown in ice cream stores. (We don't want you hanging around THOSE kinds of places! What would the children think??)
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1. You sit down to breakfast and hear "Snap, Crackle, andPop".... and you haven't even poured milk on your cereal yet.
2. You get up to change the TV channel and decide as long as you're up, you might as well go to bed.
3. You start complaining that "They're building car seats too darn low!"
4. Your ears perk up when a LAXATIVE COMMERCIAL comes on TV.
5. You call the place you keep leftovers the "ICEBOX".
6. No matter where you sit, no matter where you are, THERE'S ALWAYS A DRAFT ON YOU!
7. You complain that the cleaners has started shrinking your clothes.
8. You wonder why everyone else is starting to MUMBLE.
9. Lawn care has become a pretty BIG part of your life.
10. Your underwear starts creeping up on you ... AND YOU ENJOY IT!
11. You start videotaping DAYTIME game shows.
12. When you do the HOKEY POKEY and you "put your left hip out" ... IT STAYS OUT!
13. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a HOT WATER BOTTLE.
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  Famous Chinese Wisdom
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
.Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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1.  Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!
2.  Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
3.  I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!
4.  So this isn't Home Sweet Home...  Adjust!
5.  Ring Bell for Maid Service...If no answer do it yourself!
6.  I clean house every other day....  Today is the other day!
7.  If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
8.  I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
9.  My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10.  A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
12.  I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
13.  If you don't like my standards of cooking ... lower your standards.
14.  You may touch the dust in this house ... but please don't write in it!
15.  Apology ... Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like  this: Some days it's even worse.
16.  A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is  delirious.
17.  If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
18.  A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
19.  Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
20.  Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
21.  A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
22.  Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
23.  Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
24.  My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
25.  Gardening forever .  .  .  Housework, never!
26.  Dull women have immaculate houses.
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  You know you're Italian when....
1. You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
2. You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit 2 mortadella "sangwiches", 4 oranges and 3 bananas into a regular paper lunch bag.
3. Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo.
4. You share a bathroom with your 5 siblings, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.
5. Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent, are all blood relatives.
6. You consider dunking a pack of Stella D'Oro "S" cookies in milk a nutritious breakfast.
7. You live in a 900 square foot bungalow, but still have 2 kitchens (one in the basement).
8. Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
9. You are a card-carrying VIP at more than 3 dance clubs.
10. You have at least 5 cousins living on your street. All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.
11. In some capacity, there is a dump truck in your life.
12. A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of "professore" among your aunts.
13. You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
14. You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
15. If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 6", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
16. There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.
17. You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

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